Category Archives: books

S-A-T-U-R-U-R-DAY NIGHT

Except it’s Sunday night. Mike Myers was on SNL this week (on Saturday night – see it’s sorta relevant). My favorite Mike Myers movie is So I Married An Axe Murderer, which has this song. So, it’s not entirely random.

It’s become apparent to me how much I’m stressing over this coming week and month. If I take every appointment as it comes and each day it comes, I’m fine. Seeing doctor appointments set Monday, Tuesday, next Tuesday and the Tuesday following AND the dentist this Monday too.

The dentist I’m not too stressed about.

My endo – I’m terrified. I know I have an endo complex, but I haven’t been this worked up for a while. My first and second endos were intimidating, one made me cry and the other told me they wouldn’t help me if I didn’t log my sugars. I should have logged my sugars, but I’m stubborn…and I’ve never been good at it. My endo in Montana was wonderful, I loved him. He was respectful and willing to help, but didn’t force things on me. I got a new endo when I moved back to California. He has been good. My first appointment he gave me Symlin and a Dexcom for a week. My second appointment he told me I was the most compliant patient he had and did amazing on prednisone. The day before that appointment was an amazing day, had one low and didn’t go any higher than 160 or something. Today, the day before this appointment, I’ve been 42, 140, 70, 160, 55, 275, 48, 300, 220, 270, 240 and now holding steady around 310. I have no way to explain it. It was just an off day of extreme zigzags. Until late in the evening it was just a lot of over-corrections in both directions. Now, I KNOW I’ve over-corrected, but I’m not budging. I have 15U in my system and I’m still not dropping. I swear, once I’m out of range it’s hell getting back. If I’m too low I really can’t function, if I’m too high I’m a big grumpyface prone to bitchiness. I feel like I need to be able to explain myself. I just don’t know how or why it really happens. It would make sense that this stupid ibuprofen is wreaking havoc on things, so maybe that’s it. Who knows if he’ll believe it though, he won’t believe me that Entocort EC is a steroid.

Tuesday I’m seeing my PCP. I’m happy to go there…except that it’s at 9:15a, but still happy to go. I can get my bloodwork done there. Also, I need to ask her about my shaking hands. It’s been really odd, I get really shaky hands. Not when I’m low, not when I’m high, just during the day. It’s slightly concerning. I really like my doctor. She’s nice to talk to about not just diabetes, not just Crohn’s, not just neuropathy…just about me.

I also have my second interview at the dog daycare/boarding facility on Tuesday. If I am hired I will most likely start this week. It’ll be nice to have a purpose for getting out and nice to be around dogs all days. Dogs are easier to be around than people…or at least they are for me. I’m a little nervous of handling school and 20hrs of work a week. It sounds lame, I know…but I really am so limited in what I can do. I get worn out SO easily. I hate being so limited, but it’s reality for me right now. Hopefully it’ll be great, not too much stress, fun and a good fit.

Next Tuesday I see my gastroenterologist. I already wrote about that appointment. I think they’ll be calling me tomorrow. We played phone tag about my dentist’s desire to put me on an anti-inflammatory medication. If they pull my tooth tomorrow, we’ll probably have to talk about what I can take for that too. It’s not worth it and probably not justified, but I feel like it’s my fault things aren’t going better with Crohn’s stuff. Or maybe that I’m not feeling what I’m feeling. Weird, I know…it’s just WHY can’t I get it together?!

The following Tuesday is my neurologist appointment. We need to talk about my muscle spasms and my shaky hands. He and I have only seen each other once and it wasn’t for very long. He doesn’t seem too interested in figuring out why I have neuropathy, but he seems to think I do in both hands and feet.

Eventually I need to see the eye doctor. But, I want to wait until I have a job so I can pay for at least something.

The one positive and even a little bittersweet part about all these appointments is that I can transfer over to my insurance’s mail order pharmacy. It just saves so much money. I LOVE my CVS in Castro Valley. I really don’t want to leave. But when you have meds that are $10, $25 and $40 every month and the mail order pharmacy charges the same for a three month prescription, you just can’t justify it. To make myself feel a little better I tell myself that I can still fill my temporary prescriptions at MY CVS…I’ve been on four or five already this year. I might have withdrawals if I don’t get to see them.

Another, oddly entertaining and somewhat pathetic event happened this weekend. My mother told me it’s been heavy on her heart I need a social life. Yes, a social life…as in getting out of the house. So she intends on occasionally donating $10 to my social life fund. Having no job and no money does play a part in my staying home so often…why leave to pay for gas, pay for wherever I’m going and whatever I’m doing? I can use the internet at home. While doing homework and studying outside the house would be nice…it’s cheaper to stay home. But, getting out will allow me to have some space from our already strained balance in the house. …Plus, I wore a short sleeve shirt today and I seriously need to get some sun!

Well, I started this on Sunday night, it’s now close to 1A on Monday…whoops.

I’ve added another reading assignment to myself…Last Child in the Woods. My roommate in ID had the book and I’d meant to read it but never got around to it. He told me about it and it sounded incredible. THEN my sister had to read the book for one of her classes in the Fall. She gave it to me tonight. Yay :)

One last thing…I’ve added another shower injury to last week. I bruised my toe REALLY badly, it’s black & blue and hard to walk, as I was getting out of the shower. I hit it on the door track. I’ve used this shower off and on since 1998…you’d think I could manage to use it and not injure myself.


Remember When I Bought THREE Books

Not just any three books. Three books that cover a topic NOTHING like their titles.

In an effort to escape some family grouchiness and impending arguments my sister and I took a trip to Barnes & Noble before our family movie viewing. Completely off topic (it happens a lot, what can I say?) we saw True Grit and it was AMAzing. Bonus was that not a single family member was offended the whole movie…it made the post-movie dinner and drive home MUCH better than usual.

Back to the topic at hand…

Last week Barnes & Noble emailed me recommended readings based on my prior purchases. I had written down two titles to check out the next time I took a visit. I was intrigued by their titles having nothing to do with the subject they explore.

Firstly, A Gate at the Stairs. This is its synopsis: “Twenty-year-old Tassie Keltjin, the daughter of a gentleman farmer, has come to a university town as a student. When she takes a job as a part-time nanny for a mysterious and glamorous family, she finds herself drawn deeper into their world and forever changed. Told through the eyes of this memorable narrator, A Gate at the Stairs is a piercing novel of race, class, love, and war in America.” Maybe I haven’t been doing much intelligent reading, but the last sentence piqued my interest. I like the idea of reading a novel, fiction, that explores social issues. I love my chick lit from time to time, but it usually doesn’t have a strong focus on social challenges.

After reading the description of A Gate at the Stairs (which won Best Book of the Year) I noticed another piece of work from the same author…

Birds of America. The title would lead you to believe it covers the various speeches in this part of the world. The very first part of A Gate at the Stairs’ description on Borders.com read: “In her bestselling story collection, “Birds of America,” Moore wrote about the disconnect between men and women, about the precariousness of women on the edge, and about loneliness and loss.” Maybe I’m weird, but I am VERY fascinated by human dynamics. I like to understand people. We make so many generalities or we let one difference dissuade us from seeing a commonality. It’s a bonus that it looks like one thing on the outside and are something completely different inside – I like things like that. That age-old saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” – it’s overused in some respect, but is wise. I only say it’s overused because its popularity has in some respects lessened the power behind the few words. People get so accustomed to hearing something they forget its real meaning. Kind of like violent video games or the violence seen on the news today – constant exposure has desensitized us. Maybe I’m underestimating my peers, but it certainly feels this way. I am excited to get started on this and is the first I’ll be reading of my day-after-Christmas-bookstore-run.

Perhaps the cause of this misunderstanding is due to my looking at books with such unrelated titles. I think it’s that and my disappointment in fellow Republicans. Yes, I said fellow Republicans. In California I feel I’m considered a moderate Republican. In the Midwest I think I’d probably be a conservative Democrat. Since I live in California, and have never registered as anything but Republican, that’s what I’m claiming as my political identity. Sadly, I think the definitions are so personal, to a fellow “moderate Republican” I may sound more like a liberal Republican and others a conservative Republican. I almost feel like there is no point in identifying with a specific party. Hell, some people may think I’m a Democrat. The reality is that the two predominant parties in the US seem to want to be polar opposites. Parties often forget the majority of Americans are somewhere in the middle. The extremists are the ones making headlines. Reality is we’re all somewhere close to the middle, some right middle and others left middle. It’s my firm belief that either extremists are crazy. Maybe not need to see a psychiatrist crazy, but irrational and often too opinionated to even try to see the other side. ESPECIALLY in the Republican party these days, Republican extremists are so frigid in their positions they feel like they’re the only correct ones in the world and anyone who doesn’t see eye to eye has no place in the Republican party. Granted, I don’t pay much attention to the Democrats and their party infrastructure, I am just disappointed in my own party. If I were a Democrat I think I’d probably be disappointed in them too – probably for other reasons, but disappointed just the same.

Now that we’ve had more personal political ideology discussion in one paragraph than in the history of this blog, it’s time to head back on topic.

As I searched the rest of the tables in Barnes & Noble I found a misplaced book – “I Can’t Believe I’m Sitting Next to a Republican”. Now, I had JUST been looking at books with mismatching titles AND I have not been too pleased with the Republican party as of late I misinterpreted the subject matter. Under the title reads: “A survival guide for conservatives marooned among the angry, smug, and terminally self-righteous”. What I read was: “A guide to survive conservatives – the angry, smug, and terminally self-righteous”. Obviously I need to pay more attention to what I see. Aside from that, my interpretation of the reading front cover gave me the feeling it was from a liberal point of view. As sad as it may be, I think of the far right as angry, smug AND terminally self-righteous. I guess I just sort of read what I wanted to see.

I was SO excited to read how the “other” side interpreted conservatives. In working with others of different mindsets I feel it’s important to understand the opposition. I’m a nerd and really like reading about political ideology. As a Republican, I want to know how Democrats see the GOP. In any tiff don’t you want to see how the other sees you? I do, it helps you understand and overcome your difficulties.

When I got home I re-read the books cover and backside. It should have keyed me in when I saw FOXNews.com gave a raving review….one which is completely exaggerated. ‘Author Harry Stein has prepared a primer for people who are locked in political exile in their very own homes.” – FOXNews.com’ Statements like this are what piss me off about Republicans. Really? Political EXILE??? Could we overreact ANY more?!?!

Guess I’ll be heading back to Barnes & Noble to return it. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I found out the true meaning of the book. While I can only make general observations and base my opinions on those, since I will not be reading the whole thing, it sounds nothing more than a “poor me” commiserating piece of work. Republicans don’t need to throw a pity party, whining to the world and exclaiming the awfulness and outrageousness the other side.

Since I have no intention of adding the book to my library, I feel it wouldn’t be right to read it first. Since I purchased it…not borrowed from the actual library. And maybe I’m being too judgmental too quickly. (Yes, I realize this goes 100% away from my ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ comment earlier) I only feel it’s the right thing to do. I HAVE read the long backside description…which I should have read more thoroughly IN Barnes & Noble. Based on the little investigation I’ve done, I have no interest in reading it. If there’s someone out there who thinks I SHOULD read it and am misunderstanding its true purpose – PLEASE correct me. I have no desire to sound arrogant or rude or so opinionated I refuse to accept any other idea. In reality, I rarely share my opinions because I don’t want to dissuade someone from sharing theirs. It’s very important to me to be open to other ideas, methods and beliefs – no ONE answer is 100% correct – we’re human, not a one of us is perfect. Wouldn’t you want to be given the opportunity to see another way? To learn something that may change your opinion? To potentially avoid looking ignorant and arrogant?

…I’m fairly certain no one wants to look like a moron. So please correct me if I sound like an asshole.


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