Category Archives: eyes

S-A-T-U-R-U-R-DAY NIGHT

Except it’s Sunday night. Mike Myers was on SNL this week (on Saturday night – see it’s sorta relevant). My favorite Mike Myers movie is So I Married An Axe Murderer, which has this song. So, it’s not entirely random.

It’s become apparent to me how much I’m stressing over this coming week and month. If I take every appointment as it comes and each day it comes, I’m fine. Seeing doctor appointments set Monday, Tuesday, next Tuesday and the Tuesday following AND the dentist this Monday too.

The dentist I’m not too stressed about.

My endo – I’m terrified. I know I have an endo complex, but I haven’t been this worked up for a while. My first and second endos were intimidating, one made me cry and the other told me they wouldn’t help me if I didn’t log my sugars. I should have logged my sugars, but I’m stubborn…and I’ve never been good at it. My endo in Montana was wonderful, I loved him. He was respectful and willing to help, but didn’t force things on me. I got a new endo when I moved back to California. He has been good. My first appointment he gave me Symlin and a Dexcom for a week. My second appointment he told me I was the most compliant patient he had and did amazing on prednisone. The day before that appointment was an amazing day, had one low and didn’t go any higher than 160 or something. Today, the day before this appointment, I’ve been 42, 140, 70, 160, 55, 275, 48, 300, 220, 270, 240 and now holding steady around 310. I have no way to explain it. It was just an off day of extreme zigzags. Until late in the evening it was just a lot of over-corrections in both directions. Now, I KNOW I’ve over-corrected, but I’m not budging. I have 15U in my system and I’m still not dropping. I swear, once I’m out of range it’s hell getting back. If I’m too low I really can’t function, if I’m too high I’m a big grumpyface prone to bitchiness. I feel like I need to be able to explain myself. I just don’t know how or why it really happens. It would make sense that this stupid ibuprofen is wreaking havoc on things, so maybe that’s it. Who knows if he’ll believe it though, he won’t believe me that Entocort EC is a steroid.

Tuesday I’m seeing my PCP. I’m happy to go there…except that it’s at 9:15a, but still happy to go. I can get my bloodwork done there. Also, I need to ask her about my shaking hands. It’s been really odd, I get really shaky hands. Not when I’m low, not when I’m high, just during the day. It’s slightly concerning. I really like my doctor. She’s nice to talk to about not just diabetes, not just Crohn’s, not just neuropathy…just about me.

I also have my second interview at the dog daycare/boarding facility on Tuesday. If I am hired I will most likely start this week. It’ll be nice to have a purpose for getting out and nice to be around dogs all days. Dogs are easier to be around than people…or at least they are for me. I’m a little nervous of handling school and 20hrs of work a week. It sounds lame, I know…but I really am so limited in what I can do. I get worn out SO easily. I hate being so limited, but it’s reality for me right now. Hopefully it’ll be great, not too much stress, fun and a good fit.

Next Tuesday I see my gastroenterologist. I already wrote about that appointment. I think they’ll be calling me tomorrow. We played phone tag about my dentist’s desire to put me on an anti-inflammatory medication. If they pull my tooth tomorrow, we’ll probably have to talk about what I can take for that too. It’s not worth it and probably not justified, but I feel like it’s my fault things aren’t going better with Crohn’s stuff. Or maybe that I’m not feeling what I’m feeling. Weird, I know…it’s just WHY can’t I get it together?!

The following Tuesday is my neurologist appointment. We need to talk about my muscle spasms and my shaky hands. He and I have only seen each other once and it wasn’t for very long. He doesn’t seem too interested in figuring out why I have neuropathy, but he seems to think I do in both hands and feet.

Eventually I need to see the eye doctor. But, I want to wait until I have a job so I can pay for at least something.

The one positive and even a little bittersweet part about all these appointments is that I can transfer over to my insurance’s mail order pharmacy. It just saves so much money. I LOVE my CVS in Castro Valley. I really don’t want to leave. But when you have meds that are $10, $25 and $40 every month and the mail order pharmacy charges the same for a three month prescription, you just can’t justify it. To make myself feel a little better I tell myself that I can still fill my temporary prescriptions at MY CVS…I’ve been on four or five already this year. I might have withdrawals if I don’t get to see them.

Another, oddly entertaining and somewhat pathetic event happened this weekend. My mother told me it’s been heavy on her heart I need a social life. Yes, a social life…as in getting out of the house. So she intends on occasionally donating $10 to my social life fund. Having no job and no money does play a part in my staying home so often…why leave to pay for gas, pay for wherever I’m going and whatever I’m doing? I can use the internet at home. While doing homework and studying outside the house would be nice…it’s cheaper to stay home. But, getting out will allow me to have some space from our already strained balance in the house. …Plus, I wore a short sleeve shirt today and I seriously need to get some sun!

Well, I started this on Sunday night, it’s now close to 1A on Monday…whoops.

I’ve added another reading assignment to myself…Last Child in the Woods. My roommate in ID had the book and I’d meant to read it but never got around to it. He told me about it and it sounded incredible. THEN my sister had to read the book for one of her classes in the Fall. She gave it to me tonight. Yay :)

One last thing…I’ve added another shower injury to last week. I bruised my toe REALLY badly, it’s black & blue and hard to walk, as I was getting out of the shower. I hit it on the door track. I’ve used this shower off and on since 1998…you’d think I could manage to use it and not injure myself.


Root Canal From Hell – Pt. Gazillionth

I was blessed with good teeth. I didn’t start going to the dentist until I was maybe 8 or 9 and I’ve always loved going. The feeling of nice polished teeth is wonderful. Never had any cavities and I’m a compulsive teeth brusher…sometimes more than 5x in a day. …yeah it’s weird, I don’t know why I do it.

Right before I was diagnosed with diabetes I had my braces removed. It was the plan to have my wisdom teeth removed in the first few weeks of August. I was diagnosed on August 4th. The crazy blood sugars and naturopathic medicine insanity prevented that from ever happening.

I moved to Arizona 9 months after dx and could never afford the extra money to go see the dentist. So in my two years living in the desert I went denistless. My move back to California is not something I usually go into great detail about, but it was a traumatic time. But, in October-November I was in so much pain from my wisdom teeth I went to get it checked out. At the time I was working 18 hours a day 7 days a week, so I didn’t have much time to go worry about it. Then I stopped working. And then when I started working again I spent my money on diabetes-related things and didn’t worry too much about the pain.

That takes me up til Fall 2008. In Summer 2009 I was in HORRENDOUS pain. First they took out the one badly infected and were hoping the pain would go away with the removal of the pressure on the root of its neighbor. They also found my first cavities at that visit…I think I had 6 or 8 of them! March last year I needed the rest of them removed. In April I moved to Idaho. In August I came back…but had already maxed out my dental insurance for the year. They had run a test to see if I needed a root canal done and they determined it was necessary, but I couldn’t afford an out-of-pocket root canal.

January rolled around and the root canal saga began…

First too infected to even attempt one, so off I went with a week’s worth of antibiotics

Second they couldn’t finish because it was still too infected, so I went off with another week’s worth of antibiotics, but stronger this time

Thirdly I called and said I was still swollen, but I hadn’t completed the round of antibiotics yet so they said it was okay

And yesterday I went back in because I’m still swollen and my ability to painlessly chew is diminishing daily

So, new plan…

Take 800MG tabs of ibuprofen every 6hrs until Monday. If the pain is still there after being on an anti-inflammatory, I’ll need the tooth removed. They’ll pull it and do a bone graft to prevent bone damage. The dentist feels pretty badly for me it seems, she keeps telling me how awful she feels about me losing a tooth this early in life. She said if I was 50 she’d have already pulled it.

The new plan is okay I suppose. Ibuprofen is not a major fan of my intestines. They like to argue and it’s usually a bloody fight. The whole timing of my dentist appointment was off so I wasn’t able to talk to my GI regarding the meds by 5p to ask for the best anti-inflammatory. But, I’m hoping four days of ibuprofen can’t do anything too terrible? I would like to just have the stupid thing out, I’m tired of messing with it and it making such a mess of my sugars and my intestines. BUT, I am only 24, so I’ll diligently do everything I can to save the stupid thing.

I’ve taken three doses thus far…it’s not doing much for me. It’s not that far along though, so maybe it will by some miracle work.

Now that I’ve had so many issues and they’ve been inside the tooth and have seen its reactions, they have a better idea of what caused the death. The stupid first wisdom tooth. But it’s not really the wisdom tooth’s fault, I’m blaming the big fat liar diabetes. I’m not bitter about getting diabetes when I did, because there are a lot of good things about not being diagnosed until after high school. The timing just sucked and then I gave diabetes too much undivided attention and didn’t diligently maintain other parts of my body.

Ahem…like say, my not taking Pentasa as directed because I could save the $50 so I could take care of diabetes things.

But really, how much medical crap can one person handle? I can’t spend any more time in doctor’s offices. It’s so easy to fall into dealing with medical issues only when they become unavoidable. Even my sister is of the same mentality. When we first started talking “teeth” a couple months ago she told me I have much more pressing medical issues to take care of first. I obviously have to have priorities, though giving non-life-threatening some tending to is important too.

After my teeth get squared away, I have to get my eyes checked out. I was supposed to have my annual checkup in November. Maybe by March/April I’ll have verified healthy eyes.

That is if I haven’t messed up THIS tooth’s neighbor too. They told me it was a possibility. I’d really like to avoid having another root canal done.

Oddly enough, despite all the bullshit that’s gone on with my mouth I still love going to the dentist. Is that a bit twisted?


I’ll Keep Drinking And You’ll Keep Getting Skinnier; I’m Just Like You, Only Prettier

Maybe I’m not the world’s most knowledgeable about music. Actually, I’m far from it. I’m well aware. However, I’ve been enjoying Miranda Lambert’s newest album. Her voice isn’t too girly. Of course she sounds nothing like a man. It’s a personal opinion of mine that male voices are more appealing, so being that her voice isn’t high pitched is a positive in my book.

When I first heard this song, “Only Prettier,” I loved the last line. Hence the title of this posting. It’s odd for me to pay attention to anything I’m listening to, so why this lyric? Well, you could say it’s because I’m not skinny. If you decided that was the reason, you’d be right in the assessment of my weight, but not as the direst reason. I really like that she’s able to do what she wants because it’s what she wants. And, honestly, when you’re happy, you’re more beautiful than any diet or any amount of makeup could create. It makes me sad that so many people seem to forget or simply bypass the truth behind beauty.

So, what makes you happy? I’m not sure I always can answer that question, I’m not sure I could answer it now. Maybe it’s an easier question to answer when you’re actually happy. Last night I had a talk with my roommate, whose uncle recently committed suicide. She was neither close nor well known to this relative, but it was still sad. We eventually ended up on the topic of depression. I told her a story about myself from when I was 16, one I share with very few people. I am not ashamed of the story, I just am wise enough to know that not everyone can understand what happened and why I made the choices I made at the time. To be completely honest, the story may have made her incredibly uncomfortable and strange, but hopefully it didn’t. I told her how in the month following my tonsillectomy I found it hard to find even the motivation for a shower. There were a few weeks where my showers were separated by at least a week. I think things have gotten a little better. But, I don’t really know either.

Last I posted, I was headed to Missoula. Initially these appointments were made to have my regular check up with an endocrinologist and then to make sure my tonsils have healed. I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am the ER gave me a copy of my blood test results when I was there a couple weeks ago. It gave me the time to see how many of my numbers weren’t right. It gave me time to realize this endo appointment may be just a bit longer. I am just so glad. I’m one of those people who like to “know.” Had I been blindsided with the idea that so much of my body and its systems hates me, I may have fallen apart in his office. But I knew going in things were off, I came in with a list of questions. The appointment lasted two hours and was followed by a trip to the lab for some bloodwork to further investigate my body’s hatred. Continue reading


Projection

It’s been too long once again. So, I will updayte. Except since it has been a while I’ll be upweeking you.

Work at 24 Hour Fitness is exciting as ever. Nothing too new there. I “might” be transferring to days. I would LOVE to be on a day schedule. The only reason it’s not for sure is they have to check and see how many hours they can give me during the day. I should know this week. I think I should get some good work news. Continue reading


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