Most people I regularly interact with know I have diabetes and know I need insulin to survive. They also know insulin is somehow related to my food intake. (They commonly think I need insulin when I am low)
I don’t particularly care that they know. I’d really prefer they understand.
Understand I’m not giving myself an injection to be obnoxious or cause a disruption. Understand when I’ve been high and low it’s exhausting. Understand I’m not being lazy when I’m taking things slow. Understand that I’m not incapable of doing the things most other adults are capable. Understand I don’t want to talk about it all the time, I live it all the time, I don’t need to discuss it.
Even if you don’t know something, that’s fine so long as you show some understanding and respect. Don’t assume you know, I’m happy to answer any questions, just don’t be an arrogant ass.
A new pancreas?
Perhaps an insulin that didn’t require you to carb count. You inject it before you eat and it somehow is able to generate the proper amount of insulin for what you’re ingesting. Your body can figure out how much it needs without you giving prior notice, I think we should be able to do the same.
It would make life so so much easier. It’s hard when you think you’re going to eat something and then you turn out not to be so hungry. Or you take your insulin and then the restaurant’s kitchen has a backup and you can’t eat right away. Or you can’t decide what you want to eat. Or you just want to munch.
It’d be convenient in about a million different circumstances.
Where can’t I improve? Nowhere.
Where would I really like to improve? Everywhere. But, let’s be realistic. I should pick one or two areas to work on at a time.
#1 – Timing
I’ve gone off my insulin pump. For the most part, my control has improved. Unless there’s a day where I forget to take my Levemir until 4pm…like a few days ago. Now I’m finally back to a semi-normal long-acting dosage time. But, man, it sucked. I was doing really well at taking Levemir right around 9pm, then I tried splitting the dose. It really didn’t help my morning lows. In fact, I started to get morning highs. So, I’d really like to get on a regular schedule with that. Or, I’d like to go back to my pump, though I’m not sure I can afford it right now. Until I make that decision though, it seems like I’m settling in at taking my long acting right around 7pm. Let’s hope I don’t forget anytime soon.
# 2 – Carb Counting/Dosing
Being on Apidra and my insulin pump allowed me some grace. Actually, a lot of grace.
I could take my insulin after I ate if I wanted…so, like when I’m eating at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and I’m not allowed to give myself a shot at the table and I’ve started our meal low I could take my insulin after eating with no problem. Now, there’s a problem. It’s a problem I had quite recently in fact.
If I miscalculated my bolus and saw I needed more insulin, I could easily punch it into my pump with no problems. Now with a slower insulin, by the time I see I need to correct, it’s too late and I’ll have to be high for a while before coming back down.
I could eat with my pizza and pasta loving boyfriend…without issue. Now, it’s a lot harder. I have to remember to double dose, figure out the percentages.
Really, I guess both my areas for improvement mean I need to stop being lazy and forgetful. It’s a lot easier said than done. But, I can do it! (Maybe one day after saying that enough, I’ll be successful)
Once great thing? Well, I guess there’s a better day to ask this question. You know when you have those days where you feel like there’s nothing you do right? Yeah, today is one of those. I guess it’s the perfect day to try to find something that IS going right.
I do a really good job of…
Monitoring my blood sugars. If my Dexcom comes back with something funky, I’m pretty good at checking. To be honest, this is a newly developed strength. A couple weeks ago I was not doing this, I was trusting good ol’ Dex far too much. I corrected for the 300+ Dexcom had alerted me of, only to find out I really was around 140. Since then…I’ve been an all-star checker. Also since then, Dex has been right on, like within 20 points.
My hope is I won’t go back to trusting so easily what my Dexcom reports, even though it has been so correct. Not only does it help prevent my scarfing down whatever is in front of my face when I realize I’m not that high, it makes my endocrinologist happy.
I have a new endocrinologist. Not that I was all that fond of my previous endocrinologist, but it was a functional relationship. Now I’m in an all new one, developing trust, figuring out how we are going to work together. I have to get re-approved for my Dexcom. I have had some insulin changes due to the lack of my new insurance regularly using Apidra and Levemir. And I now have new coverage for my pump and supplies.
I have to be on top of checking my blood sugars. I have to prove I know what I’m doing and can take care of myself without being hovered…again. …I miss my Montana Endo.
I have been absent from a lot of the DOC happenings for the better part of two years. Primarily since being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. BUT, I’d like to take this opportunity to re-engage.
Being so absent though, means I’m not likely to share any new D-blog I’ve located. BUT, I do happen to know that Sarah over at Sarahndipity is working on getting re-engaged in the d-blogosphere as well. She’s amazing, I love her and I think everyone else should love her too!
We have never personally met, but I’d consider her a friend. Sarah is honest, sweet, encouraging and all around amazing.
Wow, I’m not sure I’ve ever had a post this short before, but hey, it’s a start?
This time of year throws me off a bit. There are a number of things I am very grateful for and there are a number that seem quite somber.
Back in 2008 I had my last Christmas with my Grandpa. It was a great Christmas. It was still at the point where everyone felt there was a chance his chemo treatment had been successful. Some thought it was inevitable it was his last Christmas with us. I wanted there to be more Christmases. His birthday was/is December 11th. That year I went up to where he and my Grandma lived at the time and we helped them set up for Christmas. I helped him set up their Christmas tree, the very same tree that is currently in my parent’s living room. My grandfather made Christmas so fun…well interesting I guess is the better word. He was the father of three sons and only had granddaughters. Each year he would pick out something just for each of his granddaughters, usually a piece of jewelry or clothing…something feminine. When he opened his presents he would start to zone out and even leave the room some years to go fiddle with his favorite presents.
We always celebrated with my grandparents on Christmas Eve, the Christmas Eves following his last have left me feeling a bit lost. In 2009 I refused to deal with it and spent the day playing Scrabble with a friend, went to Outback Steakhouse with my parents and then to a bar with a friend. In 2010 I’m not sure what I did…I know I played Scrabble with the same friend, after that I can’t recall. I am incredibly grateful to have a Christmas oriented Christmas Eve this year. Hopefully it will help me feel not AS mopey this year.
On the flip side, I am happy to remember that Christmas Eve. I am happy I was able to have a childhood with him as my grandfather. Happy is one word, but honored probably fits best.
This Sunday is the 11th. I’m not really sure what I’ll be doing aside from going to church. But wow, I’m not sure I’m prepared for it. I am not a terribly emotional person and my Grandpa shared his even less…yet when it comes to his birthday, Christmas, my birthday and his and my Grandma’s anniversary I turn into a big ball of tears, resulting in my feeling like I’m a huge ball of ridiculousness.
I love Christmas and the cold and the decorations and festivities…but when I slow down and think about past years I get all sorts of distracted and emotional…and then frustrated with myself for allowing it to happen. haha.
This has all been written during a plummeting blood sugar…which is one of the only other times I display emotions/cry/etc…I’m not mopey about it all and really didn’t intend to write something so negative. It sounds sort of negative, right? I think I’m just emptying my head…with lowbrain.