Blegh

Happy November 24th! It’s been a day I’ve dreaded for weeks. There are a number of factors contributing to my dread, almost none am I willing to discuss publicly. Before I get to my rant on today sucking, there ARE a few great things happening!

#1 – Happy 24th Birthday Janelle! I love and miss you.

#2 – It’s payday so I can go buy my insulin now.

#3 – I get to have the yummiest of meals with a good friend.

Yesterday’s post was probably not the brightest idea, all things considered. I wanted answers, though there are really none to be had. When I’m stressed (like I have been going into today) I tend to be a little bit more emotional (thank you Ms. Counselor for helping me embrace emotionality). And, to be honest, I’m not entirely ready to display emotion over someone who doesn’t even care about themself. Again, being honest, I have a TON of emotion regarding my father and his situation, I just don’t want to be the only showing that they even care.

My manager has mysteriously asked if I could come in and meet with her this week. I have a few speculations, but mostly no idea what this is regarding. I don’t THINK I have a reason to worry, but I’m still concerned.

Most of my issues with today spawn from my unsureness about myself. I wish I WAS more sure, sure about my choices, sure about how I feel, sure about why things happen, sure of my worth, sure of my appearance, sure of my personality – just more sure of myself in general. As much as I’m all about being how I am and not changing for others and if they don’t like me they don’t have to be around me…I’d like to be sure. Not to please others, just for my own sanity, my own PEACE of mind.

As much as I’m dreading today and all that it’s bringing, it’s just a day. It’s 24 hours in my relatively long lifespan. Just like any other day I have to check sugars, eat and bolus accordingly, deal with the curveballs life likes to throw at me oh so frequently, work and just take each second as it comes. You don’t get to crawl in a hole and disappear for the days you don’t like…even though, let me tell you, I would LOVE to do that today.

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About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

One response to “Blegh

  • Crystal

    I would love to crawl too. Hide. Retreat. But the Diabetes doesn’t let me fully.
    Maybe that is a good thing but right now, I don’t see it.

    Here’s to some fun to be had. I can’t wait. I am grinning. 😀

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