Internal Conflict

Some of you may know, and some may not, the Idaho program I am in will be featured in its own episode on Outdoor Idaho. Outdoor Idaho is a program on Idaho Public Television. They feature different outdoor places/people/programs throughout the state.

This has caused quite a stir. Most of the 17 other people I live with are not terribly outgoing. Not to say we lack social skills, but we certainly aren’t what most would call “TV personalities.” In the beginning it was something we all took to accept because a focus on our program would benefit the US Forest Service as well as The SCA. There have been many ups and downs thus far and it’s becoming less and less easy to be excited about the whole situation.

We’ve all had individual reasons for questioning the filming. But it has caused a personal challenge for me. As a T1 I want nothing more than for society to understand more about T1, for our society to be mostly knowledgeable instead of mostly ignorant. What diabetic doesn’t want that? I mean, it could be the end to the “should you be eating that?” “you can’t eat that!” “why don’t you exercise more?” “sorry you can’t have candy.” comments and questions. Going into the filming though I knew the episode was to focus on our program and what we’re doing here in the forest. And, honestly, I didn’t have a problem in the world with that. I’m happy to promote the forest and The SCA.

While I FULLY accept and realize this show isn’t supposed to be about me and my life and struggles with diabetes, I’m not sure Idaho Public Television always remembers. When the cameras are around, which isn’t terribly often, I seem to get five times as much camera time as my coworkers. Again, I am grateful to have the opportunity to speak about diabetes and the life that goes with it, but that’s not why I’m here. Honestly, a large part of why I decided to participate in this program was to get over the idea that diabetes has a great deal of control over my life, so it would be nice to not empty my supply bag and sort it all out for a camera crew for a five minute shot of the supplies. Granted, they have always asked my permission to see everything and I am welcome to tell them I’m not comfortable answering questions. The problem is, I’m not uncomfortable sharing and showing, I just don’t like so much focus on my “disease” and so little on the programs and work we’re doing.

After some discussion with a few of my supervisors and their welcomed encouragement I may have a discussion with the producer when they come out this week. Though, I may just luck out and miss them completely. I’m working from “home” this week since I’m still sick and will not be going out on hitch. Mum’s the word when it comes to my specific whereabouts, because, one, they didn’t ask and, two, it’s not a show about me.

So, why am I blogging about this? Firstly, because I’m curious: if you were in a position like mine…to share about diabetes but that’s not supposed to be the focus, what would you do? Embrace the opportunity to pursue your personal agenda, or stick to what the show is supposed to share? Secondly, I need to be able to get the personal conflict off my chest. I have some hesitancy in posting, because I don’t really want to get in trouble or cause a conflict. I am choosing to post because this is a personal blog, where I talk about personal things.

And I doubt I have THAT many readers. 🙂


About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

3 responses to “Internal Conflict

  • Scott Strange

    hmmm, tough question… I guess I think that we should grab all the media we can get to dispel the myths and stereotypes, but totally understand not wanting to dominate the show and that you feel that it is not all about you. If it was me, I would make sure that the others on the show, as well as the producer, need to understand the dilemma you are experiencing. You might be surprised at the response to that

  • Ashley

    I can understand the conflict. It’s not supposed to be about d, but if they’re going to use the “d-angle” you want them to do it accurately. However, it’s TV and we all know that an accurate depiction of d isn’t what usually happens. I’m all for talking with the producers about it. At the very least, you have the right to know what they plan to do with the footage they’re getting of every aspect of your life. If you don’t like their plan, you can then stop making yourself so accessible to them.

    I also don’t think you should feel badly if it does end up being more about you then about its intended purpose. If the producers are focusing more on you than on what they had intended to film, it’s probably because they think you’re the better story and I can’t say that I blame them since you’re AWEsome and all 🙂

  • Crystal

    What Ashley said. 🙂 and You ARE AWEsome!

    We have discussed this and I Know how conflicted you are and why. I would be too. It’s a tough call. Like Scott said….. let the producers know Your dilemma.

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