ReIntegration

Moving from a rural town of 3,122 to a suburb of around 65,000 is a major adjustment. For me, the opposite change wasn’t very hard. I loved living in a small town.

The “small” towns we’re driving through don’t feel quite so small. And I find myself wishing the car back to desolation as quickly as possible. The houses, cars and people are discomforting. It’s almost like you can’t think. And that’s IN the car.

We went to the zoo in Idaho Falls around 10A on Sunday. It was perfect. I think there were maybe 8 families, including ours, walking around. Enough people to smile and nod around and few enough to not become overwhelmed.

Saturday night we went to a brewery for dinner. First off, there were a ton of people. Secondly, the wardrobes completely threw me off. Crazy, bold, most likely considered stylish…and terribly uncomfortable. When I saw a man at the hotel breakfast Sunday morning I was comforted as I noticed he was in Carhardts. 

This brings me to another concern of integration, (the first concern was people) clothing. I do not like to be noticed. Nor have I ever been “stylish.” But I am well aware my clothing choices have been altered with life in Idaho. And, I don’t think I really want to make any changes. Perhaps when I go to work (when I get a job…) and maybe if there’s a formal event, but otherwise, meh. 

I keep questioning what I wear, it’s dumb. Firstly, as if it matters?! Secondly, why do I care what other people think? I care when I am trying to make an impression, but that’s pretty much limited to me searching for a job. What about guys? I don’t care that much; I’d rather impress a guy with my personality than my choice of apparel and if I start by wearing something uncomfortable but “cute” I’ve set a precedent. And if we’re talking looks…look at ME, not what I’m wearing. 

Yes, I will probably attempt to match. But my desire for comfort significantly outweighs my desire for style. And, I think I’ll “do” my hair instead of grasping at every stray hair to pull back into a nubby pony…once I cut my hair. Until the chop, nubby pony it is!

But then, I talked to a friend who says he thinks people DO pay attention to other people’s clothes. AND they do it not out of insecurity, but to judge. So, maybe I should care and respond accordingly? What do you think? Do you look at people to judge? Or do you look to make sure you fit in? Or do you not look at all?

Either way, I think I still plan on sporting Carhardts and Chacos…maybe even with socks.

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About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

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