Living Loud

I am not a loud person. I have never been a loud person. Some people can’t hear me when I speak. I do not yell. I am a decent public speaker, but on a personal level, my volume and tone are very soft.

In addition to a soft voice, I am also a quiet person. I embrace silence. I like to hear nothing but the sound of nature. I am not one of those people who need to fill silence with noise. If I’m talking there’s usually a purpose.

California is loud. VERY loud. SO loud compared to a national forest in Idaho.

I listen to cars drive past my house ALL night long. I sat on the patio of a coffee shop and heard cars and a generator. I nearly fell apart when I heard some neighborhood dog howling and yipping mid-afternoon. I hear people yelling at each other. I hear cell phones ringing, alerting, beeping…being plain obnoxious in general. I hear people talking on said obnoxious phones. I hear TVs. I hear honking horns. It’s a LOT of noise. A lot of noise that I wasn’t hearing less than a week ago.

I am trying to get back into swimming. (Mainly because I love it and also because I need to shed my Idaho 20lbs). I used to wish you could listen to your iPod in the pool. Until today. Today I embrace the silence of being under water. No chatting, no cars, no yelling, no phones, no pets, no horns…just water moving.

Where else can I go for silence? How can I escape? All the noises almost make me feel trapped. Which in turn makes me feel like I’m a loner. But that actually sort of works out…since my closest friend lives 20 minutes away (not THAT far) and the next closest is an hour away. And, without a job, a hour is a lot of money. Also, these friends have lives, jobs, etc….something I’m seeming to lack right now.

Just because I’m sounding so damn grumpyfaced. I’m not really. I’m just tired. Not even tired; really really effing exhausted. Too exhausted to care about things I probably should consider caring about. On a more positive note though, I have a few job prospects. One is promising and I should hear pretty quickly from them. So, yay for that. 🙂

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About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

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