How I’m Not Okay

I had to email my boss back this morning. She emailed me on Thursday morning letting me know I could approve my time sheets online…and hoping I had a smooth trip back to CA.

Perhaps my response lacked tact. Perhaps I’m just pissed off and don’t care if she knows how much this has all messed me up. Either way I told her the move was terrible and is still terrible. I also told her I have two different nerve issues and they think it’s most likely crohn’s or ulcerative colitis. And I said I’d be seeing the doctor every couple weeks til the start of October. Then I told her I approved the hours and would be calling Idaho Public Television within the next couple days.

Then, I cried. And realized I’m really not okay.

I’m not okay with having no money and no source of income. I’m not okay with having all this medical stuff wrong with me. While my doctor is thrilled to have me as a patient, how many people, socially, would want to hang out with me? I mean really, I’m a mess.

There’s nothing really new happening today. No more doctor appointments and no new family drama. But it’s my first not busy day in California. I think it’s allowing me to dwell…and take everything in…aka to sit and feel sorry for myself. I know you’re not supposed to do that, but I think every once in a while you’re allowed. It’s a bad day. Tomorrow I’ll work on having a more positive attitude about everything, put on a big smile and cope better.


About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

2 responses to “How I’m Not Okay

  • Virtue B

    sometimes a good pity party are in order!

    sorry things suck right now 😦

    I hope things start looking up soon…

    ❤ V.

  • Stacey D.

    I’m really sorry that you’re having a tough time Ashley 😦 It really is okay to feel down now & then and especially to get it out. There’s this saying I like to keep in mind when I’m down & it goes something like this: when life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand more to smile. I’m sending you lots of ((((hugs)))) with hopes that things look up for you very, very soon!

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