As Much As It Hurts

It’s reality.

Sometimes I really get on myself for being so dang depressing in my posts all the time. BUT, I post how I feel and I post what’s going on. And honesty is more important than pretending to be okay. Plus, who would really believe me if I said I was totally fine with losing my job over health, having two seemingly unconnected nerve issues in my extremities and an abundance of autoimmune issues? Come on, you can’t be 100% okay with that!

It’s not like I don’t accept the situation. I do. But it means I take one day at a time and some days are worse than others. And I try. I try to do normal things. And I try to be patient when I can’t do what I want because I feel to horrible.

So, today I’m participating in my first diabetes walk. It’s not with JDRF or ADA, it’s with Dogs4Diabetics. I’ve mentioned them before, they’re an incredible organization. They provide dogs for diabetics, who will alert you when you’re low, dropping and often times when you’re skyrocketing. Before I left for ID I was waiting to have my home visit. Sadly, I wasn’t patient enough and they called to schedule the visit my first week in Idaho. I emailed them last week in hopes of re-starting the application process again (for the THIRD time!). They haven’t gotten back to me, but they’ve been working on this walk. Plus I’m still sorting some things (like umm, what the heck is wrong with me) out with the move. But, eventually, I hope I have one of these awesome dogs. When I visited the facility for the first time and was alerted on at 70 it brought tears to my eyes. It was absolutely incredible!

And one day soon, when my friend isn’t working doubles, I’ll go drink a beer and play pool. And I’ll spend time with my sister. And I’ll get a job (which is a whole other topic). I hope that little by little as I engage in more normal activities I start to feel more like myself. I’m afraid it’ll have to be little by little though, I can’t dive right in…and if you know me I’m the diving type. I still don’t have a good handle on what things trigger me feeling so ill.

Last night I learned, 3 bites in, a pastrami sandwich with cream cheese, avocado and lettuce on a dutch crunch roll was a trigger and something I should avoid. When I was in the hospital a couple weeks ago I was talking to the nurse about how normal poop and all things stomach related are and how ridiculous it was that it’s not something to be discussed in public. So, I apologize if I gross anyone out…I promise you, it’s no less gross for me to experience it! But when I eat something that triggers, I HAVE to be near a bathroom for a good couple hours after I eat the food. Between the diarrhea and the burping up the food it’s a disaster. I think I’m in for a lesson on patience with myself. Because sometimes I’m just not going to be able to do what I want when I want. I’m trying to be fine with the idea and I know it’ll get easier once the doctors and I know what the hell is happening and why. So until then, I’ll work on this whole patience idea. I hope I’m in the clear this morning for the walk though…that would be B A D!

Happy Saturday everyone!


About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

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