What better way to spend the afternoon than writing a blog? Especially when I’m not allowed to log into my email and there’s not a member in sight to currently assist.
So yesterday I did some self reflection. I’m a pretty introverted individual, so it’s a pretty common activity. Usually it happens without any focus and I allow my mind to wander. But, looking at my blog makes me sad. I hate that most of my days are bad days and I only have a good one here and there. To be honest, it seems none are truly “good” days…just days where I’m not in a million pieces and bawling. I think that’s pretty pathetic and really unpleasant.
There’s nothing that will change this situation. Nothing that will erase the last couple weeks; of me losing a job because my body hates me. It’s reality. Even if by some miracle I got my job back, it wouldn’t change that I had once lost it. I think for any diabetic it’s a fear in the back of your mind. Whether it’s cutting back hours or simply losing it completely, it sucks. All these feelings have been floating around in my brain that likes to think and analyze all too much; I’m weak, disabled, not normal, sick, etc.
Yesterday’s “evaluation” was to try and figure out what would make me feel better about this situation. What CAN I do? I can’t change what has happened, but I can do something about how I deal with all of it. I am one of those people that need to believe things have a purpose and a reason. Maybe in reality this does not inherently have a reason, but I can create one.
Most diabetes camps have a backpacking component. Kids will go out backpacking for a weekend with medical staff and counselors. What if there could be a camp program designed for outdoor activities? Diabetes can work in the wilderness…it just takes preparation and knowledge. I don’t feel there’s a strong enough presence in our world to educate diabetics on being out in the wilderness. Maybe if I could learn how to make it work and help others to learn how to make diabetes work in the outdoors, I could be okay with this. There’s an organization out in the Bay Area that offers some outdoor leadership training courses. So, I think this is what I’ll look into for now. And who knows, it could turn out swimmingly.