Mother Says…

My mother and I had a spat today. Or a discussion. Or an argument. It really depends on who you ask. But call it what you want.

One of the things that came up was my life. Yes, broad, I know. But she seems to feel I live two lives. My “real” life and my “blogging” life. She made no direct mention of who I am in “real” life, but told me my “blogging” life is my “wild side”.

I cannot say I agree with this. The last several months have been downright depressing on my blog! It’s been a struggle to write ANYTHING remotely resembling my typical upbeat, sarcastic and jovial personality. I have only a small idea of what could be really going on with my body, my bloodsugars have gone batshit crazy, I had to move….Am I wrong? Is that wild? By ANY means?

I call it sad. A little pathetic. And most unfortunate. I’d like to be on a fun, maybe a little wild adventure, not a medical war zone with a faint light of answers through the current dark ominous muddle of clouds. I have three tattoos and a few piercings, I’ve had many different hair colors and I like change. But I’m at peace in the outdoors, in a book, wrapped in a blanket in front of a window and love taking time to myself. Tattoos, piercings and hair color don’t make a person wild. In today’s world, I’d venture to say they’re normal.

Or maybe my blog is wild in other ways. Frankly, I’m too tired and trying too hard to grasp tightly onto the smallest piece of togetherness still in me to really care and to put in the effort to figure out what she means. In my mind this blog could use a little wildness and a little less sadness. But, that’s just me. Maybe I’m wrong.

*Thank you everyone in the DOC for sticking with me. For listening to my sad rambling. For listening. For being friends. For being honest. For everything. I have no idea what I’d do without you.*

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About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

2 responses to “Mother Says…

  • Jess

    Thank you for being honest and keeping it real with us! The DOC is amazing and sometimes,I feel, you guys are the only people, I can turn to about stuff…which is crazy since the vast majority of you, I have never met (yet ; ) hehe)

    Family is interesting to deal with…you wanna take what they say seriously, even if it’s not always the best thing to do…they say things that will linger in your mind for hours, days, sometimes weeks, and even though you keep telling yourself that they just mean well but just don’t understand, it still bugs the heck out of you. Worst of all, they’re family and not followers on twitter or ‘friends’ on fb, so you can’t just get rid of them easily by unfollowing or unfriending them .

    I really hope you can catch a break from all the craziness sometime very soon. Until then (((d-sis hugs))) and keep that head up (always so much easier said then done).

    • smashleeca

      Thank you so much! You’re awesome. I really don’t know what I’d do without you and the rest of the DOC. This current struggle is something fierce.

      I can’t wait to actually meet in a few weeks. 🙂

      …and now I’m tearing up again. Highs suck. lol

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