Tuesday is the day I found out I had Crohn’s Diesease.
I met my mother for lunch afterward. Told her the diagnosis. Not sure it needs saying, but my family and I don’t really see eye to eye on the medical world. Overwhelmed with everything, I shared with her how I was feeling…which may or may not have been a foolish mood on my part.
I told her it’s been hard the last few months. There’s so much going on and it’s incredibly overwhelming. Now I’ll be taking a boatload of medication daily. And everything has been messing with my sugars, particularly the prednisone (currently set at a +60% basal). I’ve been feeling terrible every day…and just hard. I want a job, I like working and I think it’ll help, but it’s so hard to be motivated when I feel so sick all the time.
She inquired about the timing to my feeling better. I said that the Crohn’s related sickness will hopefully go away soon, but with Diabetes things go up and down every day. She then asked if it was because of my diet. I assured her (again) it was not, that no day is the same and stress, hormones, food, activity level, etc all cause sugar fluctuations. In addition, though we didn’t touch on it, there are my feet and hands that bother me fairly frequently. So no day is easy. (Totally doable, but just not easy)
She apologized for so much going on and then told me…
I have made her consider doing something about the uterine cancer cells her doctors found.
HOLD THE PHONE?!?!?!
Prior to her mentioning the C word, I had already been biting back tears…after I was battling! I calmly asked how long she’d known…Nearly TWO YEARS!!!
She explained she did not want to lose the quality of life with invasive treatments. And most people she could think of died shortly after said treatments. She would rather live each day she has to the fullest.
Perhaps I was being oversensitive. I’d it wouldn’t be far fetched to suppose, as I have been so overwhelmed. But I found that insulting. I don’t have a real choice. I choose every day, every hour, to take my insulin and medications. Why is she allowed to choose not to?! When you have a choice for life, shouldn’t you take it?
So I responded that the earlier you take care of these sorts of things, the less invasive and more successful they can be. What options had the doctors given?
They hadn’t given any, they found the cells and told her she needed to get them looked at more thoroughly.
I suggested she should probably go and she said yes, that’s what she said.
Quite honestly, it was very strange. And very random. Is that really the best way to inform a family member? I mean, it is what it is. But really, you tell someone who just mentioned how overwhelming everything is currently you have cancer?! It would be different if she had just found out, but when you’ve known for 2 years…why then?
So, ultimately I don’t know about this C-Day. None of it is in my control and honestly I don’t know how much more she’ll even tell me. It was just a very strange day with some very unexpected news.