Draw Me A Map

Literally, that would be nice. But it’s my new song title titled post. Dierks Bentley…you can’t help but love his music.

Unless you’re my grandmother and uncle. My uncle just doesn’t like country…ask my grandmother if she likes it and she’ll lecture you on how it’s not even music, except the guitars. The guitar playing is music. I learned all this on Thanksgiving.

Wouldn’t it be great if life would give you a map for what you’re supposed to do and when and where you’re headed? I guess that’s the beauty of life though. If we knew what was happening when our brains would go to slush. Every once in a while I’d like a little enlightenment on where I’m headed though.

Going into today I had two legitimate job prospects. I now have one. I am really hoping I don’t bank on this one position and then lose the little bit of hope and motivation I still harbor if it doesn’t come to fruition. Which means, I need to obtain more job prospects.

If someone would like to assure me that I’m not the only one like this, it would be great: I am fantastic at looking for positions and creating a list of where I’d like to apply. However, I am not so great at actually applying.

I have issues counting on other people to help me out with everything going on over the last few months…more like over half a year. Mainly, my parents. I don’t like having to depend on them for pretty much everything. It’s the situation right now though, so I’m sucking it up and appreciating their assistance.

I guess I could use that as a motivator?

Anyhow, I’ve been pretty poor at posting anything lately. I’m tired of talking about the medical crap, health nonsense and overall rather challenging state my life seems to be experiencing. But, to be honest I really have nothing else going on. No money to do anything or go anywhere. I’m cleaning out stuff. My parents purchased a Wii for Thanksgiving. Apparently we do Thanksgiving gifts now. 🙂 I’ve watched a lot of NCIS on USA and of course Law & Order SVU.

My blood sugars hate me and have taken the new pattern of going completely apeshit at random times of day and never two days in a row. I’m not really appreciating it. On Wednesday I had an interview and then went to Ikea for a bookcase, in between I ate lunch. On the way to Ikea, right after lunch, for which I took TWO units for a large deli sandwich on a dutch crunch roll, I dropped below 40. I started lunch at 150-160. I ate some Peanut M&Ms, because that was all I had in the car (I wasn’t driving, I promise). That didn’t help. Finally I stopped my pump. So for the first 30mins or so I had a pump beeping every 25mins reminding me that I had suspended the basal. THEN I had all sorts of double arrow up reminders. The one consistent issue with my blood sugars is that it takes forever to come up and forever to come down. If I can manage to stay below 150 and above 90 it’s a good day. Most days there’s at least one low or one high, all of which can take up to 3 hours to return to range. Three hours is a really long time to have a low…and a really long time to stay high. …I’d like a map for that too.

Aside from needing WAY more sleep than I’d like, Crohn’s stuff has sort of settled. Granted, I have only been eating once, MAYBE twice a day. Fruit and yogurt do NOT turn out well. It’s rather unfortunate, because that’s really what I’d like to eat. Instead it’s usually a bowl of healthy cereal with milk. Tonight was NOT good. My mom and sister wanted to go out…to Red Robin. I’d already had my cereal hours beforehand, but I figured I go anyway. Red Robin’s meal probably totaled more calories than I’ve consumed on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday combined and probably all day on Wednesday. It also contained much more grease than I’ve consumed in I don’t know how long. Needless to say, my body did not appreciate the indulgence. It was a bad choice because of all the fried food and because it was so much more than I’ve been consuming. If I have too big of a meal it makes me nauseous. So, I guess it’s not great, but it’s also pretty consistent, which I appreciate.

I would like some consistency in my life. I need to get myself on some form of a schedule. There is too much randomness for me to handle right now. It gets my head spinning…and then I get WAY too far ahead of myself, get stressed out and eventually I just shut off all forms of thinking.

When I have a built bookshelf, I will share. I am excited to have it up and books on it 🙂 I have too many books and not nearly enough space. They currently stay in boxes, on a high shelf close to my ceiling, above my dresser and span across two shelves that spread the width of my closet. The bookcase has 6 or 7 shelves and will hopefully support my book addiction. …surprisingly I’ve been slacking in the reading area. I finished the last half of a book on Monday. I’ve yet to start another. It would be nice to finish Water For Elephants.

In spirit of the title I’ve given this incredibly random post, perhaps I’ll try to sort some things out and create a bit more structure and “map” out some kind of a daily schedule. Reading, Knitting, Cleaning, Job Looking, Being a Responsible Patient Who Takes Her Meds On Schedule, Waking Up, Hiking/Walking. You know, so I actually accomplish something in my 24 hours each day. Yay for working on a map. 🙂 …or attempting it.

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About smashleeca

I am a lot of things...a Californian, a T1 diabetic, a Crohn's pt, a daughter, friend, former athlete, forever student, blogger, worker, and most of all life-embracer. That sounds corny...but I'll leave it. I'm just your average 24 y/o girl with a story to tell. View all posts by smashleeca

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