In no particular order:
10 – Carrying a Purse! Before diabetes I NEVER carried a purse. My back pocket served as my purse. Unfortunately my back pocket is not large enough to carry a meter, insulin, symlin & emergency sugar…I now carry a huge bag. I guess I’ll always have room now?
9 – Math: I love math and numbers. But I do not love its constant presence in my head. There’s a number attached to everything it seems and they’re always running through my brain.
8 – Having an Eating Disorder: I swear I feel like I have one. I feel like I obsess over food and meals. Factoring how Crohn’s friendly one food is and making sure it’s not TOO terrible on the diabetes side of things. I think food may be on my brain just as much as numbers…food is ever present. It’s incredibly irritating.
7 – Being Bionic Woman: I LOVE my pump and I’d have a TERRIBLE A1c if didn’t have my Dexcom. It also seems I need a phone. And my meter is never too far out of reach. THEN there are all the normal gadgets in the world: phones, people, other people’s gadgets. One thing beeps or vibrates and I go through all my devices to figure out which one is bugging me. It can be incredibly overwhelming. It’s worst when I’m watching TV, I don’t know what it is about the remote but it just ends up being WAY too much for me to handle. I almost always end up flustered. Come to thing of it, this may be why I no longer watch much TV…I’m usually in a bar or on my computer when I watch.
6 – Attentiveness: It’s really a good thing, but it just can be so damn overwhelming! I check my Dexcom ALL the time, I give myself insulin all the time, I examine every food I put in my mouth…or think about putting in my mouth. Without diabetes I could eat a pretzel and just eat a pretzel, now it’s all about ingredients and carb counts.
5 – Time: I wish I could say managing diabetes is a big waste of time. It’s certainly time I wish I didn’t have to dedicate to a stupid disease. But, it’s my livelihood; people say they don’t understand how I do it…do I have another choice? I am convinced I’d have SO much more time without diabetes; it’s a whole other job…one that doesn’t obey US and state labor laws.
4 – DOC: Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the DOC. You keep me sane. You are made up of amazing people. I have made some AWEsome friends due to our diabetes connection, and I’m sure we wouldn’t have met otherwise. I hate two things about the DOC. 1 – diabetes isn’t all that common in the “real world” so most of us have some pretty significant geographical distances to cross in order to see each other. It sucks. 2 – Your closest friends end up being on the opposite side of the country. People want to spend time with others who understand them, so DOCers become super close. I find it’s easy to become so focused on the DOC, who are amAzing, and neglect your personal life outside of a computer. I wish I had more friends that weren’t online.
3 – Insulin: The jerk makes me gain weight. If I lose weight it makes me nearly too low to function until I find the perfect changes in my rates. If I gain weight I suddenly have to change the rates. AND I hate my body can’t make it on its own.
2 – Types: I HATE the misconceptions and assumptions people make. Type 2 is different from Type 1, which is different from 1.5. I know it’s hard to educate society on something that’s not the most prevalent in the country. And I know it’s hard to educate society on a “type” that fewer deal with…but I SO wish there had been some specification when all the diabetes awareness/prevention collateral came out. I also wish they had different names…There are two types of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD): Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis. Why couldn’t we have done something like that?!
1 – Fear: I hate that going to bed makes me nervous. I hate that one simple slip up could kill me. I hate the fear that comes every morning and afternoon…and any other time I open my mouth to eat…what if it screws up my sugars and I can’t perform well at work. Fear I fall asleep and don’t wake up and my family freezes and doesn’t know what to do. Fear of not having my needed supplies. Fear of my sites being ripped out and squirting blood all over. Fear of making someone else uncomfortable. Maybe it’s not fear as much as an anxiety I feel nearly all day.
So there you have it…I may have more, but these were the first 10 that popped in my head.