Sometimes it’s hard to love yourself.
I don’t mean in the “I wish I was prettier,” “I wish I was thinner,” “I wish I was richer,” or any other -er kind of way.
I mean diabetes is really damn rough on you. It’s hard to love your body when it’s against you. Juicing, eating right, exercising enough, all the supplements in the world aren’t going to fix your pancreas. I pride myself in handling life’s frustrations pretty well, but when I’m high I’m a little more transparent. Presently I’m 569, higher than I’ve been in I don’t know how long. So, apologies for the less than motivational and chipper post.
I blew a site, hence the 569, so I changed sites. My stomach is looking pretty beaten up, so I opted for my arm. The first attempt resulted in a very painful insertion and blood in the site. After taking it out and waiting to make sure I wasn’t going to need to clean up a bloody massacre, I got another site, for my other arm. Much less painful. In using my left arm to insert the new site in my right arm I saw the bloody massacre had occurred, it just took its sweet time. Even before diabetes I was clumsy. Scars and bruises were typical. So, in the last 3 hours I’ve bruised my knee on a coffee table and my arm bad enough that it hurts to move it, with a malfunctioning life – saving device.
My point, diabetes is a pain and being happy with my body is not easy. Diabetes isn’t pretty, I have blood smeared clothes, bruised limbs and scarred legs and stomach to prove it.
Most days diabetes is kind of like an annoying younger sibling tagging along for the ride. You deal with it because you have to and you make it through. (Yes, this is a juvenile analogy)
Today, diabetes has been my opponent in a lost boxing match that I’m trying to recover from. It’s won this round, and gave me quite the pounding. I’m sure I’ll win the match, I just need a few seconds to get back on my feet.
Tomorrow is bound to be a better day. Maybe I’ll have that round end in my advantage. Through my bruised arm and scarred body I’ll find a way to love what I’ve got…I may not have a functional pancreas, but I’ve got enough grit and heart to make up for it…or at least that’s what I’ll keep reminding myself. You’ve got to have down days to appreciate the really great ones.